Thursday, August 21, 2008

Reason 345,654,123 why The Man is happy he only has one wife or Reason 454,345,098 why I am a goober.

It has been well documented that I love Sundays now that I am married. We had another lazy day last week and for the most part it was lovely. We were puttering about the house and then it happened.

I took control of the remote.

We watched the SciFi channel and we saw two spookey movies. I was ok with the first. It had Christina Ricci and I LOVE her! So that was fine.

The second movie? Not so much.

It was the Boogey Man 2. Now I have a crippling fear of basements and its to the point that if I have to travel downstairs I turn on every light in the entire house. Not just the basement because if my chubby butt comes flying up those steps I want to know where the animals are so I don't fall thereby giving whatever monster is chasing me an unfair advantage. This is also why I don't travel downstairs wearing heels and a skimpy nightgown. I have seen those cheesy "B" movies*and I watched them like a Marine watching a flim on how to correctly load a gun. To me they were educational. I also don't go on camping trips with friends because lets face it the kooky one always gets killed first or the one with the big boobies. I AM THE KOOKY ONE WITH BIG BOOBIES so to not tempt fate I choose not to camp in the woods in a tent or cabin or anywhere where I feel that a revival of Deliverance could be filmed. Just saying.

Anyway my biggest fear concerning basements is that everyone knows that the Boogey Man lives in basements. Sometimes he vacations under your bed but his main address is the basement.

Back to my point about The Man and marriage.

That movie freaked me out. When we went to bed we watched the Iron Chef and then we turned off the light and tried to go to sleep. Well The Man went to sleep I laid there listening to our house make strange noises that I swear it has never made before in the 10 months I have lived there. I think I dozed off when I heard THE NOISE!

People it sounded like the screen was being ripped. I immediately asked The Man if he heard THE NOISE. He hadn't because as he pointed out oh so patiently that he was almost asleep and he had his earplugs in (not to drown me out we sleep with the fan on and the dog sleeps in the room in his crate and he can be vocal)(at least he tells me its not to drown me out)(sometimes I wonder though). He told me to go to sleep and he would protect me from the Boogey Man. I started to get comfortable, which means that I literally glued myself to The Man's back wrapping my arms around him and throwing a leg over his to just make sure that if the Boogey Man tried anything I could kick The Man awake. See I am so smart from watching those movies! I know its always the pissed off wife that goes stomping to the couch when her husband doesn't believe her that gets killed. If one goes we both go that is what marriage is all about! So I tried to fall asleep again but I couldn't because everytime Loki moved I jumped. So I grabbed fuzzy bear and put him between me and The Man and grabbed hold of both of them and tried again. It was a long night for both of us. Everytime The Man moved I had to move to make sure some part of me was touching some part of him.

Oy! I tell you I could be my own support group.

*Have you ever notice that those girls being chased:
A. run in heels in the woods looking behind them to see if the guy with the chainsaw is still there or did he get bored and go back home
B. screams when its too late? Like when the guy is right on top of them reaching for them then they decide to draw attention to the strange man wth the mask and bloody ax? If one day I let down my guard and go into the basement and end up being chased by the Boogey Man I am pretty sure my in-laws in Toledo will hear my screams.

1 comment:

Maggie said...

I can totally relate! I saw the trailer for that movie The Strangers and could not function after dark for weeks!!!