Thursday, February 04, 2010

Hell and gratitude

My mom went into the hospital on Wednesday and she was buried a week later. This has thrown me for a loop. My entire family and friends circled the wagons around me and my mommakins. There were so many emotions that I have gone through since last Wednesday. But the biggest positive emotion that I have gone through as been gratitude.

On Friday we had hope and on Saturday I was told that I had to make the hardest decision that a daughter will ever have to make and I did make it knowing that I was surrounded by my family and I was following my mom's final wishes. She raised me to be a strong woman and I drew upon her strength to sign those nasty papers. I signed those papers surrounded by family and my mommakins left this world surrounded by her family and I know in my heart she felt our love as she left.

As I was praying for my mommakins to not hurt anymore while praying for a miracle I knew that I was not alone at any point.

My husband was by my side constantly offering his comfort and strength. He never left my side. He kept reminding me that I was following my momma's wishes and that I had him to lean on and he wasn't going anywhere.

My cousin was on her way with her little family. She held me as I was holding my momma's hand letting her go.

My hero cousin was driving through blizzard conditions with his family to get to our side. My Moaners was constantly texting me offering her support as she was offering her support to my hero cousin and being strong for her sons and dealing with her own grief.

My aunt and uncle stayed with me through this entire hell. My uncle who has always be strong and the leader of our little family offered me his strength and wisdom as I struggled to make the decisions that had to me made with my mommakins comfort and wishes as the most important goal. My aunt let me cry on her and gave me the strength to let my mom go.

My Ohio family praying for my mom and me as they dealt with their own family crisis.

My Stinky and Step monster who stayed with me in the hospital until the bitter end. They let me cry on them and brought us dinner.

My Oatmeally who came as soon as she got my second frantic call (she couldn't understand the first one) and who stayed until the bitter end. She held my hand as I sobbed.

My K-Pooh who stayed with me far into the night which is huge since she tends to get a bit loopy late at night. She let me cry on her. She offered her quiet support while I sobbed on her.

My Pastel One who came to the hospital and offered her support. She was with me on Monday and she never left my side as I had to go into my mom's apartment for the first time and while I made the funeral arrangements.

My Bunny-Butt who kept my other friends updated with texts. She kept me smiling with her jokes even when I thought I would never smile. She stayed until the bitter end.

My Dinky who came to the hospital even though she buried her momma that morning. She was strong for me even when I knew she was hurting inside.

My Scrapbook Girl and Blondie who were engaging in cult activities kept texting me offering support even though I know that this was bringing up memories of losing their own momma's not long ago. I sent them a text when my mommakins was gone and they were awake even though it was after 4 in the morning.

I will thank G-d every day of my life for all of these people who were there for me while I went through the worst experience of my life. I have no idea what I did to deserve such awesome people but I will be forever grateful for each of them for the rest of my life.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

We love you, we will always be here for you. You can't return us, you lost the receipts! XOXOXOXOXO