I think I am doing well dealing with this grief nonsense. I mean I made all of the calls that I had to do (except her lights, I completely forgot about the lights until I typed that sentence), I have sent out the majority of the thank you cards (except for the special ones, I am having trouble writing some of those to the family) and her stuff is out of the apartment. I am smiling and saying the right thing when the majority of people ask me how I am doing. Only The Man, Cousin and Oatmeally know how I am really doing when I completely let my guard down and I can sob freely. Scrapbook Girl lost her mom so I can share with her but really The Man is the one who knows that I am hanging on by a thread most nights.
I find myself going to work, writing reports and going to a million mandatory meetings that are meaningless. I go on my home visits and I get hugs from my kids which is lovely. I go through the motions of being the Duchess but I don't feel like me. I feel like I am in a bad lif*time movie that is being narrated by a 80's actress. I feel like I am only go through the motions of being me but I am just an outline of me. Does that make any sense?
I guess I just want to be the me that had a mom. I will get used to being this me that doesn't have a mom but that doesn't mean I have to like it!