Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Two Days

Tomorrow is my farewell lunch.
I am dreading this with the fires of ten thousand hells.
I hate that I feel I might cry and I hate crying in front of people other than close friends and The Man.
I want to be a strong "eat my dust" woman and I pray that I can walk out of the office and hold my tears until at least I get into the car and have The Man on the phone. I will know that I will be partly crying in anger over the unfairness of the little man but if he sees me he won't know that he should thank G-d that I am getting my frustration out in a such a harmless way when I all I want to do is punch him. Of course I would never lower myself to physical violence because I am a lady even if I overcome my upbringing most days but its tempting.
But in reality I know that this will not happen because I do love those kids and so many of them are close to being adopted and I won't be there to see it. I will miss my friends and in a weak moment I might actually miss court. I hate that I won't be employed and a contributing member to my little family.
But I also know that in a couple of days I will have my footing and my heart won't be breaking everytime I think about one of my kids. I know that in a couple of days my sense of humor (defense mechanism actually) will be working properly and I will be able to put a Duchess spin on this and I will get my house standing tall and homework will actually be done and I will have The Man not trying to wear brown shoes with black pants to work because he can't find the black shoes. I know I know I am working on this with him but it takes time.

I just wish a couple of days were already here.

5 comments:

Slice of Pink said...

Hang in there! I'll be thinking about you!

Anonymous said...

Be strong - just make sure you have your favorite purse along for comfort. :)

Love ya!!!
Scrapbook Girl
(proud member of your posse)

Suz said...

Good luck tomorrow; you'll do great!

Anonymous said...

Maybe we (your posse) should all just go with you to work. That way, your instant support system is there, and we can take out the little man. The rules of being a "lady" don't always apply when it is a group effort.

LOVE YOU!

K-Pooh

Anonymous said...

Dear DIL
I'll be praying for you Friday. I'm so sorry that this is happening to you, but the idiot little man doesn't realize the treasure he has lost. love always ohio mama